Waiters: You Got Served

Isnt it fucking sweet when your sitting there feeling great about a sense of righteousness sticking up your ass only to have some fucktard dig deep and pull it all out to reveal the bastard that you really are? Ok maybe its not that sweet, you know who your father is and we believe you, I swear we do.

So here I am feeling great about myself lecturing people about how they should be treating waiters with respect. A moral lecture instigated by typical Pakistani behaviour on the part of my friend, here she is having a perfectly decent conversation with us in Urdu but immediately switches to English while talking to the waiter. The justification being, "he seemed parha likha", there is a high probability we are better suited to a conversation in Enlish than he was! If such a subconscious subtle show of superiority wasnt bad enough another friend of mine starts snapping his fingers to call the waiter. If you can't see why that is wrong,

A) He is not a Dog

B) Your not a fucking king

C) He is not about to feed you grapes

D) He is not Black 

I naturally felt compelled to fight the case of these seemingly completely rational beings who serve to facilitate us but are treated as slaves and I did feel great about preaching such dignified principles of equality; and not the kind of great I feel about cracking racist jokes, thats just wrong. 

Anyways, eventually we call for the bill and we see we have been overcharged. Not much, just a couple of more cokes than we ordered but if your selling something that costs you 20 rs for triple the amount, you should alteast not go around adding items to the bill that you did not order. Clearly, it was a mistake so we asked politely for them to revise the bill only to be met with a smug remark explaining that we got charged because 2 people who only came to pick us up 5 minutes back did not order anything. When you go out for coffee, you generally dont expect yourselves to be involved with in a Presidential Debate but you can't do much but feel like your talking to George W.Bush or Zardari when your trying to explain the same damn thing for 30 minutes in different ways and you just cannot go through and they keep reiterating,

"Sir woh menu par likha hai minimum per person rs 60 ka order hona zaroori hai"

Simple Maths shows that rs 60 per person for 8 people, including the three who arrived at the end, makes 480 and the overcharged bill was 740. Since that logic seemed to be falling on deaf ears, we tried talking to them like they had down syndrome, something you just assume when your talking to people belonging to a certain ethinicity that danny is more apt at talking about. The fact that we are being a humble and doing our best to restrain ourselves from beating them senseless with car-doors somehow led them to being more aggressive and louder by the minute. So finally before teeth started flying we decided to end the argument and leave vowing never to go back there again. Now for the sake of privacy I will not name what place I am talking about but lets just say the name of the place starts with roadside and ends with cafe. Go figure.

Some more simple Maths for the owners, 

Undeserved money made= 120 rs.

Customers lost= 8

Friends of customers = A handsome total of 10 and that chick I talk to online.

Blog Readers = The 5 people we pay to read this

Potential money lost due to their stupidity= A fortune. OK Maybe Not but you know what I mean.

Moral of the story, most waiters are fucktards. If you are getting paid to do a job, you might as well do it with a smile and you must necessarily do it with some professionalism. If we are paying a lot more than we should be for food that tastes like shit, we atleast deserve some good service!

I would like to publically apologize to the woman who argued with the waiter at Cafe Coffee Day for half an hour over something nonsensical and eventually exclaimed, 

"Exxxxpresso heee chaltay hai"

Interior Sindh can be a major market for Espresso if they only change one syllable.

Conclusion: Fuck waiters. Not literally, fuck chefs if you want to, just not in the kitchen. Snap fingers at them, tell them to massage your testicles while your at it. Speak to them in hebrew, its not like they understand much anyways.

-MAILA