Best retorts to the annoying things people tend to say

Ever felt like 10 seconds of your life have been wasted in the most meaningless of ways thanks to somebody's great idea of making conversation. Normally, I would not even care about ten seconds but after listening to people say certain things I just feel robbed of a part of my life. Some people just leave you thinking why do they even speak at all? The problem is its hard to get back at these people, sane people often wonder what do you say to a phatan? Well here's the answer, my revolutionary research has shown that all responses to all pointless questions in the world consist of only two phrases; your mother or that's what she said.
Here are some scenarios I would like to use as examples of the brilliant conclusion.
Scenario 1
So you are at a restaurant having food and you see somebody you haven't seen for a while for a reason and he/she comes up to you and rather emphatically exclaims,
"Hey what are you doing here?
"Your Mother"
See how easily you can resume to your food after that short and rather sweet conversation? Normally, you would have had to explain your exact reasons for being in that place or stressed your neurons for something sarcastic. No more I say, Lets make life simple.

Scenario 2
So your closing the door and accidentally you smash the door on your hand and here you are in agonizing pain doing your best not to scream and somebody rushes up to you only to say.
"Does it hurt?"
"That's what she said"
You will feel along with bringing a lot of satisfaction, the phrase also helps in alleviating pain.

Scenario 3
Not to sound like a 'loser loner wannabe a man, aint got no looks so talk to the hand' sort but often your sitting in a group and you would rather not be a part of the conversation but there is always somebody who wants to drag you into it because they feel your missing out on the second coming of Jesus by sitting idle so they decide to say,
"What are you thinking about?"
"Your Mother"
Now you can peacefully go back to your thoughts but well in this case your just being honest.

Scenario 4
So you like to enjoy your food and not gobble it up in a single bite with stuff still dangling from your lips and your having a little chat with somebody else in the middle of your meal, when somebody intervenes and says
"Are you going to eat that?"
"That's what she said"
The person will be too confused to bother with you again.

Scenario 5
Lets say your at Cineplex, you have just paid 500 to watch a movie on a small screen with horrible sound and babies crying all around you. Mr I must say something sitting next to you decides to loudly whisper,
"What you looking at?"
"Your Mother"

Scenario 6
Maybe this is something most of you cannot relate to but since I am living in a dorm where there are common bathrooms this tends to happen to me. So you are in your cubicle doing your shit (literally) and somebody goes into the one next to you to do his shit (literally). Lets pretend he does not peep and say somehow magically he knows your in the next cubicle and decides to be smart and says,
"Potty kar raha hai? (taking a dump?)
"That's what she said"
Let your imagination go wild with this one.